Draft at 4400 words and 3/4 done?

Just an update that my draft of “Death on the Moon” is now at about 4400 words.

Finally I have the protagonist arriving at the location where the antagonists are.

Then it needs a brief pursuit, a fight, a search, a little twist, then the wrap-up?

Never realized just how much engineering it took just to get characters in the same place at the same time. Whole chains of things need to be put into place.

How did the protagonist get there?

Why did protagonist want to go there?

How did protagonist learn the bad guys were there?

What made protagonist decide to try to find out where the bad guys were?

and on an on and on…

This doesn’t all need to be on the final page for the reader, but the writer has to have it all figured out.

I’d never have been able to manage it if I hadn’t discovered Jack M. Bickham’s book “Scene and Structure” then discovered his other book “Writing the Short Story.” These two books gave me a method for structuring scenes and arranging scenes into a plot, which is something I badly needed. A “pantser” I am not, apparently.

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“Death on the Moon” – The Cast

Well, I had somebody volunteer to beta-read the first 60% of my story draft “Death on the Moon.”

One thing that the reader was kind enough to point out was that it did not seem easy to visualize the characters, since I was pretty sparse on the physical descriptions and really didn’t do more than barely hint at their backgrounds.

The reader’s visualization of the characters did not match mine in some cases, and that is my failing as the writer.

So as I sat here today watching the John Wayne WWII movie “They Were Expendable” I started thinking which actors in the film were close to my physical visualization of some of the characters in my story.

So here’s how that came out:

Robert Montgomery as Bert Henderson
Robert Montgomery as Bert Henderson
Leon Ames as Chief McCreedy
Leon Ames as Chief McCreedy
Donna Reed as Margaret Oswald
Donna Reed as Margaret Oswald
Jack Holt as Mr. Phillips
Jack Holt as Mr. Phillips

 

Hero comes to after blow on the head

Here’s something I’m not really sure how to write.

At the end of the previous scene, my protagonist was knocked out by a blow to the back of the head.

So now, I have to describe having him wake up.

Wondering if something like this is the idea?

***

Hero became aware of a low rumbling in his head.
Everything was black.
As hero strained his ears, the rumbling turned into a voice saying: “… trying to muscle in on our racket.”
The blackness started lightening to a gray haze.
Hero blinked his eyes with a flutter, and the gray haze became a gray ceiling.
The voice said, “Look, he’s coming around.”
A second voice said, “I’ll get the boss.”

***

Awful?

Passable?

Brilliant?

Feedback welcome.